All Summer

I know I've had at least one short stay at Jake's place since last I wrote and I know we didn't really do much and that was fine. I'm notorious for making plans that I have insufficient interest in following through on. I was supposed to be over there for an entire week this week, my last week of part time employment, but as is his sometime habit, T canceled his trip at the last minute. As usual I was beyond irritated, but also as usual, I got over it. I was looking forward to a week absent of expectations, a week of having the house to myself, a week of Jake and breaking up my usual routine, it was going to be my last hurrah. On the other hand, it's a bit of a hassle spending the night places other than home when I have to be at work the following morning, so, I guess there was that. Anyway, I've sort of folded in on myself this week and just not really bothered with the caring. There is too much to process.
So yes, I do start working again full time next week...Monday. It's been something like 6 years since I worked full days. I've become increasingly less apprehensive about it though. With all the stuff they've tossed in my lap it will be a relief to actually be here to get it done, and I don't think I'm going to mind. It's just another place to spend my time. I am going to have to figure out my lunch breaks. Getting a membership to a local gym is a distinct possibility. Figuring out food choices should be interesting as well.
During my first full time week, T will spend part of it away on a business trip and I am wondering if that will be a hassle for me or if it will fit and suit my personality just fine. Jake is sort of a method of getting away and he's not conventionally demanding. I enjoy his company and the variety, but it will be interesting socializing with him without having had all the alone down time that I'm accustomed to. On the plus side, there will probably be some morning sex, and that will be awesome.
I continue to not be attracted to T and I know it's more than just the quality of the sex. I don't think of him that way most of the time, though occassionally I can summon up some chemistry it's woefully infrequent. It's a relief that our conjugal sessions are as brief as they are since I spend some time afterward in pain due to a mild allergic reaction, and getting it over with seems to be my attitude. Can I fake my way through this part of the relationship long term. He's not possessed of the highest libido so hooking up a couple of times a month doesn't seem to cause much dissonance. I just don't know but I'm increasingly unwilling to leave. I'm comfortable and I don't see that I'd be happier elsewhere. Maybe it's shoddy of me but it seems to be how I'm operating just now.
I did have a dream the other night that I found disturbing. I was going to go and live with/marry Jake and I didn't want my mother to find out, but I'd forgotten about T. I remembered him at some point later, but he didn't occur to me as a hindrance to my plan until toward the end. It felt odd. Not so nice of me to take him quite so for granted.
That's pretty much all that's going on just now. It hasn't been an exciting summer. I haven't lost any weight at all but I do continue to exercise regularly and am at a good level of fitness. I'm wondering if my work schedule will change that. I will try to be alert. For the rest, I am entertained, and only marginally unstable which is to be expected given it's me.