New Location

I finally went and had an abdominoplasty. I might actually right an extended explanation of the procedure and the pursuant recovery in a blog post just for remembrance and edification purposes. I think I will be glad that I did it. I know at least that I would have continued wanting to do it until I'd acted on it, and I think I will be satisfied with the results. I admit it was more than I bargained for and I'm normally better about educating myself on what I sign up for. You'd think common sense would have served me better at least.
I took a little over a week off work for the surgery, which wasn't a problem. I thought I'd get it out of the way before I went and actually found a new and full time position somewhere. I do feel that nagging sense of obligation that is going to prevent me from casually requesting other time off here and there for my own leisure purposes. And the job hunt is going more slowly than even I anticipated with the economy being slow as it is and everyone worried about costs. I'm really not sure what action to take next but I think as soon as I start feeling better and get rid of this thrice accursed binder I will look into the possibilities offered by a staffing agency.
My spouse has been very patient about the whole thing and incredibly helpful with the post surgery situation. I got rather content being around him again and continue to enjoy his company. I think Jake is starting to wear off a little now that I've been moonlighting with him for nearly 2 years. I'm still very attracted to him but the emotional excess seems to be wearing off. I have considered that this may be at least partially a side effect of my current straits. I feel a bit like a circus side show freak, or Frankenstein's monster. Since my relationship with Jake gravitates so heavily toward the physical, it leaves a vacancy. I don't feel like he understands how and why it is so much more difficult for me to engineer time to be unaccounted for when I am so persistently uncomfortable myself. However, I should be returning to some semblance of normalcy sooner rather than later and I will see just how much effect my convalescence has had on this illicit connection. I have already concluded that I am no more attracted to T than I have been for some time. I recognize him as moderately appealing but there isn't any real chemistry with him. However, I don't have as strong an aversion to him physically as I did when I was more emotionally wrapped up in Jake. Mostly I've just wanted to be left alone, and I know that at least part of that is due to my current physical condition.
T says he's going to have a heavy travel schedule again soon and if Jake continues to be available it will be interesting to see what impact spending a lot of time around him will have on my waning emotional connection. It has been nice relinquishing some of the intensity, especially now that J is back in town for a couple of years. I dont need to worry quite so much about her reconnecting with him. And that girl is a menace to herself and those around her. She's too young and too appealing to be stringently monogamous and I'm not sure she understands how careless she is of her behavior and of the feelings of her female friends with regard to the men in their respective lives. I wonder if she even cares.
I have been entertaining the idea lately that eventually I may be the one who has to take active steps to terminate my extracurricular relationship. I assumed that at some point Jake would meet someone and have a bona fide relationship, but he seems even less inclined to actively pursue dating than I ever would have thought. The idea of this going on indefinitely has only limited appeal. My emotional resources are small and there is a great deal of effort involved in maintaining two relationships of that nature. On the plus side, I continue to like Jake quite well and am pleased with what he has added to my life in terms of creativity and resources. I have loved knowing him and hope to continue doing so.