Omission

My birthday came and went but I failed to mark the eve of the occasion as I usually do. I was telling T about it and I commented that I thought I might have lost interest in doing so because so little seems to change from year to year and I found it somewhat discouraging. Maybe that's the case, it certainly seems like a reasonable assumption, and retrospectively the only thing that's changed at all in the past year is that I've done more writing than previously. I still haven't finished anything yet, but I keep encouraging myself.
In other news the fix the doctor did on me is turning out in a rather half ass and lumpy fashion. I would probably consider going in before my appointment with him except that I'm due to be out of town for the next week and a half. I hope nothing is too amiss and that it either goes away on its own or is readily fixable. Liposuction is just weird feeling. With luck I won't be too lumpy to do a little hanging out by the pool in my future. I could stand some relaxation.
It's going to be an interesting trip. In my discomfort and general crankiness I managed to start another longish debate with my spouse over science and religion. I managed to offend him pretty deeply and as per usual the entire argument seemed like a waste of time and emotional energy in hindsight. I actually got so irritated at one point that I left and went over to Jake's place for a bit. That was the nice reprieve of the evening and put me in a better mood. Unfortunately I simply went back home and started where I'd left off. Gah! I'll never learn. I did promise T I wouldn't ever do it again and I am pretty sure I can hold to that. I can care about him without giving a rat's ass what his religious delusions are. I need to keep my perspective and weigh the present against how much it will all matter in the end. The balance is still in his favor and strongly so.
I do feel sometimes that Jake might be easier to live with, and anymore when I get into these kinds of conflicts I think in the back of my mind that in a couple more months I will be financially autonomous, or presumably I will be, but I don't think these thoughts emphatically, and I would prefer not to uproot myself. Anyway, the lingering hostility is taking a while to dispel and I'm really hoping I haven't done any irreparable damage because T is awesome to spend time with when he's not angry with me and this could be a nice trip. I will do whatever I can to make amends.
It certainly decided me on whether to share my plan to loan Jake my car while I'm away. He's been having automotive troubles recently of the kind that require professional repair and it seemed reasonable to me to loan my vehicle to him while it was not in use by me. I trust him and he has an excellent driving record but I know it would not go over well with the spouse. It should be fine, he has spare keys for emergency reasons and can simply use those.
I have been so miserable today. It doesn't help that it's that time of the month and that I have a vicious hangover from over indulging at dinner last night. Half a bottle of wine followed by a martini is not a great plan. Perhaps my misery will elicit some sympathy and this will blow over sooner than later. I am always so startled by my emotional frailty. I know there are so many who have far greater issues to contend with but I'm so set on my life being easy and trouble free, you would think this desire would translate into more diplomacy in the things i choose to say and do, but apparently not so much. Gotta love being human.

Merry month of

Times they are a changin'. Not a lot mind you, but a little. We're well into another lovely spring and for the most part life is pleasant, although...T's great uncle died yesterday morning. He was an elderly fellow who struggled with emphysema, and everyone saw it coming, but it was still sad. We stopped in at the hospital a couple days before he passed away and we said our good byes. I still really don't handle death well, it rattles me and I happened to like this particular soul quite well. I keep holding onto the hope that maybe consciousness isn't a happy accident and that maybe it has some kind of significance in a larger scale of reality than we're currently aware of, but that's all it is, hope. What I think is that the same thing will happen to me after I die as happened to me before I was born, nothing, and that it will not bother me in the slightest as a result of my not actually existing anymore. Of course, my current status as present and accounted for in the population of the verse sort of resents this probability. And now, of course, we'll have a funeral to attend with a bunch of religious drivel attendant, and even more delightful, both T's parents will probably feel compelled to attend and they are not delightful to have together at any event anymore. Ok, can't really bear to dwell on that mess any more just at present.
Things are changing at work too. My counterpart will not be with us much longer and they are converting my cushy part time position to a full time one. When they approached me with this development it was somewhat misrepresented as playing back up for both the business and sales department, the actuality is that I am being groomed as the de facto national assistant. My initial response was rebellion but as a shrewd individual here at work pointed out to me, eventually the whole office will belong to sales with everything else being run from corporate. I might just as well reconcile myself to it for the duration of my stay here. The irritating parts being that I dislike not knowing what I'm doing so there is going to be a frantic learning process, and I don't like the woman for whom I will primarily be working. This simply means that rather than retrenching myself here in a full time position I'm going to redouble my efforts to find employment elsewhere that i feel is better suited to my temperament. I should seriously just knuckle down and kick out a few romance novels. I'm sure i could do it and I suspect the money is tolerable.
On the social front everything is fine. I'm a little restricted just now as I finally went back into my cosmetic surgeon and got him to fix the results of last year's surgery. So far I am pleased with the outcome but I am also a bit sore and a mass of bruises once again. I'd had to cut out jogging so going to the park with Jake has been on hold for a bit. Between his recent illness and my convalescence it's going to be hot as hell by the time we get out there again. I have been walking very determinedly and I would venture I'm down about three pounds. Whether that's the result of the liposuction, or the activity, I frankly don't care so long as I don't get it back. I've also cut back on my alcohol consumption and been trying to drink more green tea.
Yesterday was Jake's mother's birthday and for the third time running I attended the festivities, which didn't involve mexican food for a change. We had a good time. His mother talked quite a bit and at some length, but the company was good and the stories were entertaining. Afterward I went over to his place and stirred some brownie batter with his private parts then proceeded to lick the offending utensil clean. That was fun and I got some action out of the deal. It does frustrate me that the sex with T used to be mediocre and very brief, now it's just non existent. The sex with Jake is prolonged, intense, and in all ways satisfying. I should be able to get that closer to home but I can't, and it aggravates me I can't have it anyway without the attendant social infractions. Yet I'm still so fond of T and very content in a relationship with him.
We're going out to AZ and then OR later this month. There's a conference I'm attending with him at a resort hotel, and then we're going to see my family for a bit. I'm really looking forward to it. I'm hoping to drop a few more pounds so I can casually and contentedly spend some time by the pool when I go out there. I bought myself a decent laptop for the occasion so I shouldn't go stir crazy for lack of access to WoW, and maybe I'll even get some writing done. I will miss Jake horrible though. This trip spans two weekends, the time I usually spend most of with him. And there is a good chance I'm not going to get laid the entire time I'm away. That just seems a little wrong to me.
But as I said, on the whole life is good. I'm going to be zen, and when I'm feeling my most zen, perhaps I'll write back to my irritating father in some kind of remotely appropriate way. Wish me luck world.