Writing it out

Jake invited me to his company Christmas party again this year, which surprised me mildly because I know at least one of his coworkers knows the situation with me, plus he knows them all well enough now to not require any moral support. Still, he invited me and I accepted and I have been looking forward to it mildly. Particularly as he mentioned he and some of his friends have been practicing a dance routine that sounds like it will be entertaining to watch. I was talking to him this morning about said event and was talking about how fun it will be to see especially as I have a video function on my phone. I was joking about uploading it to youtube. At some point my sallies made him rather uncomfortable and he excused himself from the conversation. Jake is notoriously self conscious and the nature of my teasing had obviously tapped a nerve. After the conversation I texted him an apology for causing him the discomfort, and he proceeded to ignore me....all day.
After a few bland notes I sent to him at random to see if it was my imagination, I asked him point blank if he was in fact ignoring me, to which he replied in the affirmative. So yeah, ouch. I basically told him I thought it was an unfair escalation on his part and that I was hurt. I got a text from him saying 'nice try'. Now, I have an only slightly sub nuclear emotional response to being accused of guilt tripping. I hate it, particularly as I sort of feel like his accusation was the pot calling the kettle black. I mean, what exactly was he trying to accomplish by snubbing me all day after I apologized to him? What's that, guilt trip you say? Yeah, anyway. He chose to elaborate on that point and attack the way I handled the situation, so I wrote back to him to try to outline my point of view. I don't know if I succeeded or failed at this point and knowing Jake I may well have failed spectacularly. I let him know I resented the accusation that I was trying to make him feel guilty, but I ended the missive with an affirmation of the sincerity of my apology.
I would rather not see this relationship crash and burn over such a trivial incident. My normal strategy has been to just take the blame and I was probably more pugilistic this time because I get tired of taking the blame when I don't feel like it all belongs to me. It has been good for me in that it has been so much more important for me to keep Jake in my life than it has been to be right or even partly right that I've developed a slightly better ability to self review and see how utterly caustic I can be, but I feel like I've gotten to the point where I want just a little more equality.
Maybe I'm fucked and this time we're going our separate ways. I can't decide if I should ask him today if he wants his key back, or wait on it. He's notably absent from messenger, and that is certainly deliberate. Guess I'll hold off on getting him a Christmas gift.