Recording

T has been traveling again, just parts of weeks, a few nights here and there. He keeps talking about having a job or position where he doesn't have to travel, and I wonder to myself how that will affect me. Then I push the concern aside because who knows what the future actually holds for either of us. I assume at some point he will stop traveling and that will be that. It may or may not change my peripheral relationship. I think Jake likes having me stay over, I think he enjoys the game of lets pretend, without the need to manage an actual live in arrangement. I don't know, maybe he wouldn't mind being with me. I still labor under the notion that he can do better and knows he can and he's settling for now because it's easy, I'm good enough, I'm totally into him, and we get along. Good enough lubricant for this relationship for now I suppose. It's enough to have kept it trundling along for 2 and a half years now. It feels like cheating, in more ways than one. I know it's a construct but I do enjoy it, and it is its own reality.
I've liked the half weeks with Jake. I have yet to grow tired of waking up next to him and basking in the luxury of being there with him without the need to go home. These past couple weeks have been pleasant. Two or three nights a week is just enough break from my routine. Instead of playing on the computer I cook new things and watch interesting movies while Jake keeps me company. I get to have entertaining early morning conversations about which superhero would make the best U.S. president, and who his running mate should be. I get to play console games, though I do that more when he's not around and I'm camped out at his place. He tends to watch me play and make 'helpful' remarks. While he is legitimately helpful and has improved my game with some of his suggestions, it makes me self conscious and depending on my mood detracts from my ability to enjoy playing. So long as he doesn't get frustrated with me I'm ok, and he's usually good about that. Still....
I keep job hunting. I'm still hoping to hear back from a good prospect, but if I don't I think I'll suspend my efforts for a little while. T has made a big issue of me traveling to a conference with him that is coming up shortly and while he would deal with it if I couldn't go, he would be petulant about it and I find it is easier for me to just make arrangements to tag along. Plus it gives me more time to capitalize on my fear of joining the rat race. It served as at least a temporary catalyst to get me to start writing more regularly. I've actually been turning out a page a day for a couple of weeks now with only a minor hiccup. I still have trouble with ending a story, but I'm learning more about developing one and I'm keeping notes. I was talking to an amateur writer friend of mine the other day and he confessed that he too has trouble creating endings. I find this reassuring.
Anyway, that's me for now. T will be around for the next week, but he leaves the week after for a full 5 nights I believe. Fortunately Jake won't be dog sitting this time. My heart goes out to that poor pooch who no one but his owner seems to really be fond of. He's a bull in a china shop. Still, it's nice to go to Jake's and not deal with so many allergens too. I'll have to think of some fun things to cook and entertaining stuff to watch. Perhaps we can go out to the local funky video store again this coming week and pick out more eclectic stuff now that Jake has a membership. That was fun, an interesting crowd goes there and it's not so far from where I work that dropping stuff off afterward is any kind of problem.
But enough for now.